Under Construction

AM I BACK??

I am so excited that I was able to get into this OLD blogger account. I have had this account for several years and remembered it and here I am.  Lots has gone on in my little corner of the world but I am making sure I keep myself positive. I hope to start blogging at least once a week. Trust me once a week is a LOT for this girl.

It's the most Wonderfullife Time of the year

If anyone knows me they know Christmas is truly my FAVORITE time of the year. I love everything about it, the food, the decorations, the lights, people being happy, the sales, the over price ideas, the crowd malls and stores. YES! even the crowd malls and stores are wonderful during Christmas. Each year I promise myself I would have a great Christmas but I never make it where I want to be. Last year was so crazy and hectic I didn't even give out gifts, didn't put a tree up, didn't invite anyone over and just over all didn't enjoy myself. This year I plan to do something FUN that will seal the deal on having a memorable Christmas for 2018.

24 Days of Christmas. First I really want  to do something every day beginning December 1st until the 24th. Not sure how I will pull this off but I hope I can do it. I have a list of things I would like to do from going to buying a tree to giving out blessing bags to the homeless. I just hope with me and the hubbies hectic schedule we will be able to pull this off. I am so excited, oh yes and I hope to write in my blog daily (HA). 

Happy Thanksgiving

I have not posted anything here in a long time. The last post you see a few days after my whole world changed.  Needless to say a lot has happen in my personal life that stopped me from enjoying things that otherwise would bring me JOY!  I know that getting back into the grove of things will be hard. My focus has been off everything I love. From my sims,  my Little Black Dress group, Lets Plays, Talk Show, Virtual Family to posting here.  I am grateful for so many things that has happen in the pass year.  I know it's going to be hard to push myself up and get back on my horse.

Today I want to say how GRATEFUL I am, how THANKFUL I am and how Life may not have dealt me a easy card but the cards were not stacked against me either.  I am just grateful I am able to say that I am BLESSED! I can't put into words how I feel. Just wanted to tell you ALL, thank you for still supporting my craziness. Thank you for not leaving my side when I know you clearly could. Love you ALL and Happy Thanksgiving.

Samaz "Sam" Suga

New Let's Play coming soon! EXCITED!

2018 ...

I am a bit EXCITED (notice I put that all in CAPS, yep, I am just that EXCITED).  I plan on 2018 being my year.  I also feel that even if it's not my year, I will grab it like it is.  Stay Tuned.......

Me

Happy Happy Happy, Joy Joy Joy

Time for something DIFFERENT

So this is Life as a diabetic...

Today I went to see my doctor, I have been going to urgent care to avoid me seeing him. My doctor, let me explain why I have not been going to see him.  He is like a big brother to me, one who you do not want to disappoint. Someone who when you go see him, the only reason you remember he is a doctor is the fact he has on the white coat and tells you to take a deep breath when he puts the stethoscope on your back. Otherwise its like a family member in which you just do not want to disappoint. Then my nurse, she is more like a friend. No we don't do lunch on my off days or talk on the fact. She just accepted me on her facebook (yeah I know lol). But she and I talk, laugh and I as nice as I am I am kind of mean to the other nurse. But today, I thought I would be able to go back to work and instead I was told I would have to get my shit together. Maybe not in those words but something like it.  My best friend has told me the HORRORS of being a diabetic and what I can look forward too if I don't get things like they need to be. Right now, I just took my numbers and I am AGAIN over 400.  So what the hell am I doing. I have so many family and friends worried. Not just those I know in my real life, but my virtual life as well. Funny how people you never seen before can care and worry about you and want you to take care of yourself.  Even with those who truly care and mean it I need to get my shit on point for ME!  I have a group on facebook that was meant to help each other go through the hard times and I am so ashamed of my NON progress that I don't even speak in it any longer. My reason for making the group was  to help others and it seems like I am the one who needs the help.  I want to just be happy in my life, I don't want anyone to fear sorry for me I want to be able to stand up and do what I need to do to live a happy healthy life. My numbers are SHIT, there I said it and in order for me to gain control I need to GAIN CONTROL. This blog btw won't be just about diabetes, dieting and trying to get control. There will be happy things too. My blogalk radio crap, my little black dress, my sims, my many projects.  Just needed to vent here. OK ALL DONE.

I AM BACK WORLD!

It has been a LONG time since I have sat at the computer and open up my blog.  Funny how something I use to do almost daily has become something I never do any longer.  However, I want that to change.  So here goes, hopefully I get others to read  (insert hopes and smiles here). I use to have a decent following on my blog. People actual wanted to read what I had to say. Then along came blogtalk radio and I found myself having those followers tune me in on the internet to hear my voice. Then came my on the grid talk show. Frankly, I prefer my blog talk radio more. I had more ppl listening and I felt more comfortable with the show over all.  There is a lot I want to share with each of you and I guess this will be a good way to do so.  So here goes. I AM BACK WORLD, stay tunned!

EXCITEMENT

I can not even begin to say how excited I am to start my virtual life all over again. The only difference is I start it fresh with a new set of eyes but the same old avatar and the same old me. I have a lot planned out and hope family and friends will join me on my journey to just have fun, live life and enjoy what God has given me. 

STAY TUNNED

Carter Christenson Recipe for Whiskey Sour

• .80 oz Fresh lemon juice
• .80 oz Simple syrup (one part water, one part sugar)
• 1.5 oz Bourbon or Jack Daniels
  • Garnish with Cherry and/or lemon wedge

I am here for FUN!

The things I do are not for Lindens, not for SL Fame, I don't set out to be in completion with anyone. This isn't a race for me. i am not trying to be the first one who finishes. I don't have the need to seen by all. I just need to be notice by the few who want to see me succeed.  Who I am in sl and slfb is who I am behind the computer. I do what i do because I am here to enjoy my second life, and enjoy my virtual family and friends. I have and will continue to support others on what they do. I don't need anyone to criticize me because Truly my biggest critic is MYSELF. I don't ask to be liked, I don't seek approval from anyone but myself. . I have been blessed with people in my life who truly support all my crazy ideas, antics, projects and my wannados.  When I am called upon to do something for someone else I do it to the best of my abilities. It makes me feel good when someone ask me to speak, ask for advice or just want to be apart of my sl world.  Trust me when I say I do what I do for fun, to move away from boredom, to make others smile, to make others laugh, to uplift, to empower, to find some true happiness within a world that seems to be decaying each day.  I don't throw shade at others, I don't mimic anyone else, I don't feel the need to bring someone else down to built myself up.  "I have always said I don't want fans, I want supporters" I always feel blessed when people around me support me, They care about me.  With all the things I have started Sugaliciousme Talk Show, Blogtalk, Grid Watch News, R2VE Studios, Little Black Dress, Love Yourself First, our upcoming Greek Life and The Cookie Factory I have been blessed to have people behind me who cheer me on, hug me when I need it, tell me I can when at points I think I can NOT. I have so many who support all that I do.  I would never be able to do what I do If not for my friends, family and supporters. The only reward I need, I want, I look for are the rewards of people who truly believe in me, those who support me, those who trust me, those who give me encouragement, those who pray over me, those who talk to me when I feel like I am at the end of my rope, those who just leave me a message saying "hope your ok".  That is my fame, that is my payment, that is ALL I need.  Thank you, to all that believe in me. Your the reason I do what  I do.  Even if I only have one person who cheers me on, who believes in me, who trust what I do and they are genuine. That is ALL I need!

P & A Shade

FINISH HER!!!!

So needless to say. I am a worrier. I worry about things I have control over and worry more about things I have no control over . I worry about simple things, things that go by day to day. I worry about my job, I worry about my friends, I worry about my family, I worry about my finances, I worry about my brothers. I worry about my second life kids, I worry about my friends,  I worry about loyalty and disloyalty. I worry about my health, I worry about my sanity.  I worry about betrayal among those I love. I try to take care of others, I try to help them and draw them towards the right path. I worry about things so much I don't sleep well at night. I worry about the fact I worry. It is an endless roller coaster that seem to only slow down but never stops

 

The reason for this post is this.  My blood pressure was 199 over 200 on last Tuesday. I was told to take off work and relax by watching something funny and cute and not doing anything that would make me WORRY or STRESS. So I took half the doctor advice, I took a break from FB & SL and watched movies, talk to a few friends and family and worked on some small projects off line.  I worried about my job so much that I still worked, feeling as if I have turned most things off then I should be better, right? Right!  So on last Friday I went back to see the doctor thinking my pressure would be down and I would feel better. So not so, My blood pressure was 189 over 220.  I sat there as he spoke to me about my health and how dangerous my blood pressure was.  I worried then about how high my blood pressure was, I worried that I may never get it down. Worried that the medication he had already increased he was going to increase more. Then I begin to worry about my kidneys and how these damn meds could affect them. I worried that he tested my blood sugar and I was a scary 320.  I then worried about why that was so high and now the increase of my insulin from one time a day to three times a day.  I worried about how this new revelation will now change my already busy, confused, crazy, hectic life style.  I worried about who to tell, because I don't want anyone asking me if I am ok, asking me if I took my meds, giving me lectures on how I need to get my shit together because, Guess What? I already KNOW this.  I sat there with my doctor and felt like I was at the top of a building and all I need was for someone to run behind me and just push me off and finish me. I felt like I was in a mortal combat game and hearing the game voice over say "Finish HER"  I thought about how much I have tried to get it together and just have not been able to reach a point where I can. Then I thought about how many times I have said I would do something and just went another directions.  I feel safe no where anymore not at work, at home, online, in my bathtub where I spend hours in bubbles, and refill once the water gets cold.  I fear my life not where I want it to be and as much as I preach to others about doing what is best for them and loving themselves I am not doing what is best for me and loving myself.  In my bedroom I have some white Christmas lights ran across the headboard, lol, funny is I sleep at the foot of my bed. I unplugged them to pray and ask God to give me strength to get where I need to be.  I know, I am odd, weird, crazy, kookie, but I am ME, I make mistakes, I try to make everyone happy even if it means my own unhappiness.  Don't get me wrong I am not unhappy in my life, I am BLESSED! I have so much more then most, the things  I don't have I don't worry about.. much.  Luxury and Money to me are things that can be taken from you in time, my sprit and my love is something that has no expiration date.  So now, as I return to something's I have to put one major worry on hold until I get better. MY JOB! Yes, I was told by my doctor that things that cause me confusion, worry, sadness I have to push aside until I get ME better. I am going to take charge of me, make things happen for not only "Suga" but "Sam" who is behind Suga. If I feel any pressure I will log off Second life and Facebook and not allow it to get to me anymore. Your real life can not be turned off, but I can start enjoying my baths again, enjoying my room of silence, enjoy writing again (I have not wrote a poem or a short story in over a year bout time I start up).  I want to enjoy my life, I have fun in second life and on facebook but when it starts to make me feel like I can not focus I will let it go like a child who lets go of a balloon to see it fly off into the sky. This is not about anyone but ME and my sanity, my life. I don't want any pity, anyone trying to tell me what I need to do, I don't want anyone trying to push me towards a better self. This all needs to come from me, I don't mind supporters, true friends, people who are willing just to smile when I need it and not judge when I don't.  So I'm back, for now. Oh and btw I am going to do my shows, I have also started back on blogger again (that may last for a week lol). Missed you all, some more then others lol, Suga Kisses  

 

I'm Coming BACK!

For almost a year I have been threatening to come back to the grid and to blogtalk radio. All  threats over I am returning in full force on a regular set time on Monday the 6th of October. To say I am excited and nervous is an understatement. There is so much I want to do, but I know its going to take my total focus to get it done.  It amazes me how much I want to do this, but yet in the back of my mind I feel I may fail. YES! I can admit that because it just shows I am human and I KNOW I am not above those emotions.  I never want my head to get too big, never want to think I am "the shit".  You can view yourself as KNOWING YOUR SHIT without you thinking you ARE THE SHIT.    I am blessed to have the many sponsors I have who have been patient with me and has not left me despite my continued pushing my dates back to start my show.  I am not asking for fans, I am asking for supporters. Those who don't expect anything from me but for me to be myself and do my damn best.  With that being said. My first scheduled Blogtalk show will be on the 6th at 8pm slt/pst and my first return to grid show will be on Tuesday the 7th (if my stage is done)

Talk Show and other madness

So tonight I decided to come on my alt and actually do a talk show.  I got on blogtalkradio and did both shows at the same time.  The blogtalk cut me out but of course the video part kept going.  I had my bbg Lisa to film it.  She  is sending the footage to her father so he can do the editing of it.  I am not sure how my bbg did but I am just happy she offered and proud that she did it.

Medication.. CHECK

Today was the last day of my Enoxaparin Sodium injection. YAY! I wish I had taken a photo of how long  the needle is.  The best thing about the injection needle is once the medication is injected the needle actual retracts back. Very safe for those like me who are accident prone lol.  I am still on my blood thinners "warfarin" until they run out. I am, however back to the normal 10 mg instead of the two days I did the 15.  Feeling still a bit sluggish but I am just happy to be sluggish  smiles

Life is GOOD!

So I am right now so loving my life and not really caring what anyone else thinks or says at this moment. You never realize how much you have until your on the edge of no longer having it.  I thank God daily now for each breath I take and each morning I wake up among the living.

Okay enough of that, lets talk about what is next on my list of things to do? I always have something that I want to do and just don't do it. Which I need to get a whole of the and get on track.  My problem is and has been I want to do a lot but never take the time out to actual do it. I get so busy and just let things go.  More so I honesty realize since this happen I take on way too much and need to direct my attention and focus on things I can do and not things I want to do.  I need to do things I love and not just things that make 'others" happy and content.  The few things that I am passionate about right now is my "Life Yourself 1st club", my "Talk Show", "MY SL & RL Family and LBD. That is a lot to be passionate about I know. lol. However, I am one who believes in doing more then little. Sometimes that MORE can be too much.  Like keeping up with my blog. sighs!  Such is life.